so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
