it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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