Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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