Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
