It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
