I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
