life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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