IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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