my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
