Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
