My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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