Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off