Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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