Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.