Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.