Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?