I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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