I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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