I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
