i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
