So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
