I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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