Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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