the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
