you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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