She announced her abortion via fbk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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