Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
