I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
