we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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