I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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