Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
