I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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