Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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