Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
