Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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