Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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