M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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