Non-Jews are for practice
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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