yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
