I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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