life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
