She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
