hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
