I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
