I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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