I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
