Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
