Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
