Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
