my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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