hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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