I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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