So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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