Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
