I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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