you would pick up someone in the library
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
