It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
