Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize