shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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