I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
