so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
