Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
