I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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