I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
