i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How external is "for external use only"?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
