His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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