I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
