im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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