I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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