it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
