You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
