i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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