Your tits are I can't wait for
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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