at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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