her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
