I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she looked like the before picture.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
