My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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