I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
