i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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